An Ending, A Beginning

Hello all and it has truly been awhile!

I have moved to a new url where I’ll share my journey through life and the lessons I’ve learnt through the lens of productivity, mindfulness, and psychology. 💞

Check it out here fangtastic.life :) 

Thank you for being part of my journey. x

Love,
Fang Rong

Death Is A Single Moment

If you’re 100% satisfied with your life the way as it is, good for you. But this message, isn’t for you. This message is for the people who ponder about the transience of life. This message is for the people who fear that they may run out of time before they get to fulfil their dreams. This message is for the people who are afraid of losing someone. But life’s too short to worry, right? Except no. The exact reason why we worry is because life is too short. The cold hard truth is that we are all going to die sooner or later. Every single one of us in this room. The fact is, we’ve been dying since the day we were born.

 There are many obvious reasons to fear death. For one, you die. You cease to exist. There's uncertainty as to where you’re headed after death – heaven, hell or nothing at all. You're worried that you won’t accomplish what you want to do in your life, or worried about the loved ones you leave behind. And these are all valid. The fear of death is not useless. From an evolutionary perspective, it is true that some level of fear can help in avoiding situations likely to result in injury or death.

But… is it rational to fear death? 

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger but it can also be irrational. And most of the time, the fear of death we experience limits our potential.

Firstly, it causes unnecessary stress. It makes us anxious when something is out of our control. Did you know that you are 7000 times more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash? Why then do we experience more anxiety taking the plane instead of a car? Because when driving a car, we have the illusion of control over our lives whereas, in the plane, we feel that it’s not up to us at all. We feel vulnerable. According to Becker’s Terror Management Theory, this disparity of the unwillingness to accept the possibility of death, together with the awareness that you cannot control it, leads to existential stress.

Secondly, the fear of death decreases our motivation to live a productive life. If we’re just going to die, what’s the point of living? A study from York University done in 2016 stated that the fear of death will eventually lead to depression and anxiety due to the conflict between the desire to live for a long time and the knowledge that you probably won’t. That results in uncertainty whether to continue living a purposeful life, or give in to the idea that life is meaningless because everything fades into oblivion.

How then should we approach death? Here are 3 steps you can take in your daily life to cope with the fear of death healthily.


Step one, relieve stress by accepting that death is inevitable. 
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, coined by psychologist Dr Aaron Beck in 1960, proposes that our thoughts affect our feelings which in turn affect our behaviour. That is saying, our perception of a situation is more dependent on our thoughts than the actual situation itself. So, if we cannot change the way things are, we should change the way you think about it. By reframing your thoughts about death, you can alter the way you react and experience it. We are never going to know when we are going to die or how we are going to die. And since we cannot avoid that, we should just make peace with it. Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is.

Step two, prevent regrets by turning this fear into a wakeup call. 
Most of you may be afraid of not being able to achieve what you set out to do or that you’re going to leave your loved ones behind. Why wait till it’s too late? Find out what matters to you – be it your loved ones, your personal goals or your career goals and start now. Make the most out of the time you have on your hands now. Don’t spend decades of your time in this world only to wish on your deathbed that you’ve got more.

Step three, avoid disappointments by just letting things happen. 
Detach yourself from the hopeful idea that you’re going to achieve everything you want to in your life. The uncertainty of death is terrifying. There’s nothing positive about death, but we can still have a positive outlook on life. It might seem cruel, but some people die way before their time. I want to get married, have kids, have a successful career ahead too. But if I die before I do, then so be it. The life that I lead up till then, will be the life I was fated to live. And all that I have done, would be enough.

Perhaps think of death this way:
How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world? 

Maybe we should start measuring our existence not by the number of days but by the number of hearts we’ve touched.


Having an increased level of awareness and acceptance of death will bring about a life with less regrets and a peace of mind. By realising that our life is fleeting and transitory, we are more likely to spend our time fruitfully, focusing on the important things that we care about and refraining from wasting our life away. Also, the awareness and acceptance of death will encourage us to prepare for it.

The reality of death is that it forces us to think about it sooner or later. Avoiding the topic of death won’t decrease the anxiety, it will only postpone the worries. By approaching the matter early, we will be able to overcome fear, attachments and other emotions that could arise at the time of death. That will prepare us with a clear, positive state of mind in the event of an unexpected passing of a loved one or ourselves. There is no way we are going to avoid death, the only thing we can do is to make the best out of it.

In more ways than not, death teaches us how to live. Think of it this way. Heaven is a place on Earth, not some end destination you reach after death by accumulating good deeds. What you make of your life now can make a living heaven, or a living hell. It is now that you can make a difference. To your life, to the lives of the people around you. It is now that you treat people with love and respect. It is now that you make your dreams happen. Not tomorrow, not next life. Stop waiting for the right time because the time is always now to be bold and be good.

“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist”
― Epicurus

Therefore, fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.

(I wrote this as a speech for a public speaking module I was taking in school and I thought it would be meaningful to share.)

Religion and Empathy

Today let's talk religion.

What do you think of when the word 'religion' comes to mind? Do you think of a god? Its followers - Christians/Muslims/Jews/Buddhists? Or going to a church/temple/mosque? While these are all true, it merely grazes the surface of the purpose that a religion is supposed to fulfil.

I believe, in its fundamental essence, religion is meant to help us lead peaceful and happy lives. Each and every religion, despite having different beliefs, teaches the same values of love, compassion and forgiveness. But have we all forgotten that?

It is so easy to live under the impression that there is this religion and that religion, and that these religions are different - so different that they are opposed to each other. Religion has become something we identify with instead of something we practice. Our intolerance has ended up splitting instead of uniting the world. We began putting labels on people, "oh she's Muslim, ah he's Christian", and forgot that above it all, we are but humans. And this doesn't pertain only to religion. Any differences we can find, we shun.

These labels have become the scapegoat for all the problems we face in today's world. 

The crises we face are not exclusive to the perpetrator's religion or race. Let's stop this division between "us" and "them" and recognise that we have so much more in common. That through it all, there is one thing that binds us humans together - our ability to empathise. Empathy constitutes being kind, understanding and respectful towards one another and it is so important to exercise it in everything we do.

We are able to exist in this world and live our comfortable lives because of the kindness of others. 

We receive benefit from so many people we don't even know. Look around, everything we use comes due to the kindness of others - the construction workers who built the house we live in, the farmers who grew vegetables that keep us healthy, the electricians, plumbers, bus drivers and so forth all play important roles that enable the society to run smoothly. Therefore, how is it fair that we judge others and put labels on them just because they are doing more menial jobs than us or just simply different from us? That's just being terribly ungrateful.

There are many good things that being empathetic will bring. By letting people know that they are accepted and loved, we provide a safe environment where they will be able to bring out the best in themselves. We enjoy the peace and harmony we do in Singapore because we acknowledge the importance of respecting one another despite our differences in race, religion and gender. When we share a mutual understanding for one another, it is likely that others will be more forgiving towards your mistakes and shortcomings as well. It's much like a never ending cycle of positivity - be kind to others and receive that kindness in return.

Look past the labels that we put on one another. Respect that people have different paths in life. It doesn't matter whatever faith you believe in, all that matters is that it makes you a better person. When that happens there will be no religion, just a better world for everyone.


References:
Seven Tips for a Happy Life by Ven Thubten Chodron
No Religion by Buddhadasa Bhikkhu

The Meaning

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world and after you walk through those doors today, you will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

Rat Race

Our world, whether we like it or not, is driven by a force. The force is our constant need to feel appreciated. That's just how we humans function - we always seek to fit in, subconsciously putting us in this endless, self-defeating rat race.

It's almost impossible for us to feel content with ourselves nowadays. We have standards for everything - beauty, intelligence, class, how someone should behave. Ideals that are impossible for an average girl/boy-next-door to meet. Don't get me wrong here, it's always good to strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

The problem here, however, lies in the yardstick by which we measure ourselves. We quantify our worth in terms of how much better or worse we're doing in comparison to other people. Ignoring the fact that we are all very different individuals to begin with.

As we've all learnt in our science classes, in order for an experiment to be fair, all variables are to be kept constant except the one we're measuring. Therefore, if we are measuring our progress and achievements, it is only fair if you're comparing with someone who is 100% identical to you.

What I'm trying to get at is, stop comparing yourself with everyone else because we are all different. We all have different experiences and different problems. Therefore, we can't possibly derive a sense of inferiority or superiority from this comparison.

You are not worse than that person you're jealous of, YOU ARE YOU. You have your own struggles, they have theirs. You have your own merits, they have theirs. Even though it's easy to feel like you're utter crap in comparison to someone else, remember that no matter how glamorous someone paints their life to be, they too have their dark times.

Similarly, you are not better than anyone else. Don't put others down because they are not as accomplished as you are. We are all at different stages of our lives. We may be taking different routes, some may be faster or slower than others, but we are all heading towards the same direction - to be happy and to be appreciated.

The only two people you need to compare with are your past and future selves. How far have you come, where do you want to be? Give yourself credit for whatever progress you've made thus far and set realistic goals for your future. Base your progress on your internal growth and not external factors. 

Whether you like it or not, you're all you've got for the rest of your life. Learn to embrace all your flaws and recognise all your strengths.

Exercise some empathy, not only on others but on yourself too. Be kind.

The Lesson of a Moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself 

― Kevin Dutton, 
The Wisdom of Psychopaths: 
What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success

A Letter to the Younger Me

Hello you,

It's a cloudy Tuesday afternoon on the 29th of November 2016. How are you doing?

I would have never imagined that just thinking about you right now would make me so emotional. The young, silly and cheerful girl who was full of wonder.

I recall the time you were tying a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree. That was the first show you filmed, Coming Home in 2003. It was the start of something magical, something I am now so immensely proud to call my career. Thank you for pushing through all these years, and for eventually realising that it is indeed a blessing to be able to touch the hearts of people while doing something that you are so passionate about.

The crucial four years of your adolescence will wind up being one of the best periods of our life, 2009 - 2012. The friendships you make will go far and beyond that little comfort bubble and will continue to blossom in the many years to come. You may fall in and out of friendships but you will hold every friend close to your heart. Pay attention, because each and every person you meet will teach you something indispensable.

When you turn 16, you will start to become rebellious. Adventurous if you will. Your curiosity may lead you to do things that will get yourself hurt. But breaking the rules, falling down and hitting rock bottom will be pivotal to your growth. You will become aware of the amount of strength and courage you never once imagined you embodied. Positivity, kindness, and empathy will shape your soul as you discover yourself. You will catch a glimpse of me.

Love can be quite funny and erratic when you're young - a simultaneously enchanting and debilitating experience. Some relationships will fail and you will learn from them. You will understand what it means to let go of some things that although meant the world to you, was not meant for you. From that you will gain the capacity to release your tight grip on everything you ever wanted to control.

Love is otherworldly when you are older. Slowly as you mature, you will begin to make real the true self that you have kept, deep on the inside. You will profoundly realise your identity and come to terms with all your shortcomings. You will accept your place on this planet, no more no less, and focus your energy on being the best you. You will stop asking why, and start saying thank you. My dear, you will learn to love yourself.

When you share a heart of appreciation, love comes in all forms. Lucky for me, mine came in companionship. A personification of everything I believe in. Someone who encourages me day in day out to strive towards the person I aspire to be. And he does that just by simply being his pure self. Always genuine and full of wonder. The most beautiful person I have ever come to know. I have nothing but love and respect.

See, all these mistakes you've made, I cherish every single one of them up to this day. Some days can get dark and it may seem like it is the end of the road. But with every passing adversity, you have only proven yourself to be resilient.

Bad things happened and bad things will continue to happen. The perspective you choose to take, however, is what will steer your life in the right direction. And for your case, your enduring positivity radiating from above never once failed to penetrate through any of those gray clouds.

As I look back today, you were growing all along. You did not notice the changes because you were too absorbed and had forgotten to zoom out to look at the big picture. After all, the eye only sees what the mind is prepared to comprehend. So trust in the course of time and nature.

In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
For the story isn't over yet.

Love,
Me

Let It Happen

Despite all the world, we are haunted 

By something we can't explain

The dark, rejection, failure, oblivion.. death. 

                           

It takes a lot to come to terms with the idea that your days are numbered. That you may not live long enough to accomplish what you want to in this lifetime.

I've always had this incessant fear of dying young. I could never accept the fact that when I die, I will just cease to exist - and the world will continue to on without even a  noticeable hiccup. We've spent all our lives living as one person, ourselves, and that is no wonder we would feel as though the world revolves around us (in one way or another). Surprise surprise, it doesn't. We are but a moment in time, a tiny piece of history, a fragment of this universe.

This thought keeps recurring though - what would people say at my funeral? Who would show up, whose lives would I have touched, who would they remember me as? I think this is a more moralising way to think of death (and life). How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world? Measuring your existence not by the days but by the number of hearts you've reached out to.


Here's a quick reality check.
If you found out you were dying, would you be nicer? Would you love more? Would you try something new? Well, you are. We all are.

Life is right now. I can't emphasise this enough. These are the moments that you are given. This is the part you're in control of. It is up to you to be content and at peace. People live through their days doing the job they don't enjoy for the big bucks or staying angry at a good friend. We treat ourselves unkindly, both the mind and the body. We actively allow this to happen when we choose to invest our time and energy on our egos. And that's how we will end up spending decades of our time in this world only to wish on our deathbeds that we've got more time.

See, Heaven is a place on Earth, not some destination you reach after after death by accumulating good deeds. It is now that you can make a difference. To your life, to the lives of the people around you. It is now that you treat people with love and respect. It is now that you make your dreams happen. Not tomorrow, not next life. Stop waiting for the right time because the time is always now to be bold and be good.

Fear is pointless. It does nothing but stop you from living. Death is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. And in fact, I don't want to prevent it. If I were to die tomorrow, it would just mean that my purpose is up and I've done enough. That's all I'm meant to do in my life.
Don't fight it, just let it happen.


I used to fear death, but now the only thing that scares me is my fearlessness.

Don't Allow Yourself to be an Accomplice to Cyberbullying

We often don't realise the magnitude of our actions and words online until they are too late.

Recently I saw an Instagram post by a friend of mine, talking about this Instagram account, @sgbasicbitch.

Username has been blurred out for confidentiality.

Update: The account (@sgbasicbitch) has been taken down as of 28th September.

As a typical Singaporean, I was curious to find out more about this account and so I clicked on it. The owner of this account basically posts pictures of Singaporean bloggers and publicly shames them. What I find particularly ridiculous is the fact that people are commenting on how they love the posts and find it hilarious.

I have no idea when cyberbullying became socially acceptable or even funny but there should never be a reason to partake in it. 

What people don't see is that these public figures are humans too. Maybe this hit slightly close to home that's why I decided to write this blog post. I am no blogger or social media influencer, but I know how it feels like to be picked on for your flaws. Hate is bound to happen when you're under the watch of so many people, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE THE HATE JUSTIFIABLE. Just because your job requires you to put yourself out there in front of everyone doesn't mean you don't have feelings. Because things like that hurt, and they hurt a lot more than we think.

Everybody makes mistakes, famous people included. So this post isn't about defending people with a large following because just like every single one of us, they falter from time to time too. This post is about just understanding that humour doesn't have to come at the expense of someone else's feelings. That just because someone is famous, doesn't make them any less susceptible to the traumatic effects of bullying.

You can dislike someone but there is absolutely no reason to be disrespectful. Not even in the name of humour. Because when things like that leave a scar, they stay. I don't expect you to like everyone you see online, but I certainly do not agree to being mean and hateful.

We often land ourselves in the role of an accomplice to cyberbullying without even knowing. By liking these posts or sharing them just for the laughs, we are not only feeding to the negativity that has been established, we are also  giving bullying a big thumbs up. We are allowing bullies to get their way and we are hurting someone somewhere. 

So please, don't let someone out there feel the pain of being ostracised — online or offline. Because if those tables turn, that person could just be your sibling, your best friend, your child or even you yourself. There are better ways to correct someone's mistakes than to single them out and humiliate them. Spare a thought.


Be nice if not be respectful at the very least.

If you truly loved yourself, you could never hurt another.

Why I'm Hopeful About the Future

It has been a rather depressing week for the news. Christina Grimmie got murdered brutally during a fan meet-and-greet, gunman opened fire at more than 50 people in a gay club in Orlando, insensitive comments made on the anti-Pink Dot Facebook group threatening to kill LGBTs and "watch them die for their cause", the ban on the same-sex kiss in Les Mis, Brock Turner, Donald Trump. 

I realised all of them were fuelled by hate. Burning hatred for a person or a group of people. And that scares me. To think that we have forgotten that we're all brothers and sisters regardless of our religion, sexual orientation, race or whatever.

Living in a world with 7 billion people, we are bound to have our differences. But we don't need to be assholes about it. We are all made up of the same stuff - a brain to understand and a heart to empathise. 

"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world."

— Paul Farmer

To be honest, I was quite disheartened after all that has been going on in the recent months (especially after I started paying closer attention to current affairs). It worries me to think that global warming is so real, intolerance towards different races, religions, sexual orientation, and even gender is so real. People are acting out crimes of violence in the name of religions that are so pure in nature. People judge and despise without sparing a thought for the reasons why others are acting the way they do. It worries me the most that many are still oblivious to the magnitude of these issues and are still playing this like a game.

Please. It's time to take world matters seriously before they get out of hand. Choose to love, accept and understand. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you want others to be tolerant and respectful towards your beliefs, learn to be tolerant towards theirs too.


The following note is written by Dalai Lama, today, with regards to the stuff that has been happening. Give it a read.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." 

— Fred Rogers

Be the change you want to see and never lose faith in a better tomorrow. 

Enough

As I've mentioned, I'm still a human learning to be a better person every day. And today I find myself coming back to the same problem that I've been rounding about for ages — self-worth.
 Yeah I talked about self-worth before and how it shouldn't be made in comparison to others but it is obviously easier said than done.

There are times I look at myself. And all I see is all that I'm not. All that I could be and all that I should be. I centre my thoughts around negativity. I think, why am I like this? Maybe I should be like her instead. I sometimes even feel ashamed of myself. And it's stupid. No one should ever feel ashamed of who they are just because they don't comply with a set of standards that god knows who created. Who is to say what is an ideal person and put others down based on that?

I fail to see the people around me who love me despite all the flaws. I fail to recognise my talents and give myself some credit for it. I fail to realise that I'm not who I am because of what others are like.

I think this stems from humans' terrible habit of judging. We ourselves know the mean things we are capable of saying about another person so we feel the need to be perfect to ensure that others won't harbour such thoughts about us. A huge huge flaw in our society. We tend to feel that we are superior or inferior compared to others and that brings about an imbalance that doesn't need to exist. Being judgemental will always come back and bite us in the butt, an undying cycle that is often overlooked.

So I urge you to refrain from judging others. Stop all negative thoughts about others. Instead, try to empathise. Understand why others are the way they are, and always remember that however they are, they are not better or worse than you. If we can view everyone else as our brothers and sisters on this Earth, nothing more and nothing less than ourselves, we will understand the true meaning of coexisting in harmony. Without prejudice or hate. We will not only be able to eliminate self-esteem issues, but many global issues that are plaguing our world today.


Fret not because we are very much in control. All we have to do is change the way we think. We have a choice to look past the person we are not and work on the person we want to be. This is framed by the thoughts we have - about ourselves and the world around us. As humans, it is arguably within our nature to be greedy and to always want what we can't have. That can be a good thing, a driving force for improvement. But if taken the wrong direction, it can lead us to a never ending road of discontentment.

For me, I don't want to be the person I'm jealous over. I don't want to have a nice body or many friends. I realised I don't need that, because that isn't me. I want to be the best me I can be. I want to appreciate all that I've  got because to be honest, I'm pretty damn lucky myself (and I'm sure you are too).

Life is a continuous learning journey and although I write these words I know I will continue to doubt myself, second guess my worth and feel upset from time to time. But that's okay, as long as I keep in my heart that we are all humans and we are all equal. And through it all, I'm just me.

I want to listen to stories. Your story.

I want to learn something from everyone I meet, whether it's good or bad.
I want to learn why they behave the way they do - did they have a bad day? Were they too caught up in the wrong things?
I want to know why they are so bitter about the world.
I want to know what hardships they had to face when they were younger.
I want to know what makes them smile, I want to know what makes them cry.
I want to know why they hate themselves?
I want to hear them talk about something they are passionate about.
I want to hear them talk about something they hate.

Only when I understand can I make the world a better place - for me and the people around me. If we learn the simple concept that everyone has a reason why they act the way they do, we will be able to accept them for who they are and not get mad or upset.

Put yourself in their shoes. Rough childhoods, insecurities, heartbreaks, pride. The list is endless. There are so many layers that contribute to the person we see today. The problem lies deep within oneself. And the only way we can help is by understanding.

It is pointless to get angry, it doesn't solve or change anything. I recently read a quote that said,

"It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."

- Tom Gates

To bring change, you have to be calm. To bring change, you shouldn't let irrationality cause you to do something you cannot Ctrl-Z.  To bring change, understand.