VULTURES

Some of us, we're hardly ever here
The rest of us, we're born to disappear
How do I stop myself from
Being just a number
How will I hold my head
To keep from going under

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
But I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me

How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whisperin
They're tryin to ride it out
Cause they've never gone this long
Without a kill before

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me

Wheels up
I got to leave this evening
Can't seem to shake these vultures
Off of my trail
Power is made, by power being taken
So I keep on running
To protect my situation

Down to the wire
I wanted water but
I'll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I'll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me


Whatcha gonna do about it
Whatcha gonna do about it

You are second-hand smoke
You are so thin and fragile
Standing trial for your sins
Holding onto yourself
The best you can

This meant so much, even though it wasn't sent to me by anyone. Haha it's okay, used to it. 

Exhaustion, don't blame me for wanting to lose myself

Somehow even when we are completely exhausted: physically, emotionally, mentally (and whatever other way possible), we are still expected to continue pushing. We are supposed to suck it down like a man and carry on. And possibly with a smile on our faces.

When all you want to do is lie down and figure your life out, no, you have to worry about your math test. Or your relationships with people. Or undone homework. Or co-curricular commitments. Or next week's tests that you're defo going to fail. Or a script not memorized. Or your projects that are due in a day. Or your plans for the weekend. Or the incessant fear of failing (at everything). Or if you're going to even sleep at all tonight. Or having to wake up tomorrow and face another day of the same worries.

I feel like my world is now just covered with a blanket of unending gloom, fears, responsibilities and deadlines. 

Sometimes I wish I had a pause button. To just stop time for a while. To smile. To love. To truly enjoy life. To breathe. 

Side note: You made me realize that I've been in a dark dark (and smelly) place for a whole 13 months. Thank you for being my ray of sunshine although I doubt you will ever know that I'm referring to you. 

Side side note: I love you Kimmy and Lynnie SO MUCH ♡ 

Look at the stars now, so far away

We've Got Tonight | Cory Monteith and Lea Michele

I know it's late 

I know you're weary 

I know your plans don't include me 

Still here we are 

Both of us lonely 

Longing for shelter from all that we see 

Why should we worry? 

No one will care, girl 

Look at the stars now, so far away 

We've got tonight 

Who needs tomorrow? 

We've got tonight, babe, why don't you stay? 

Deep in my soul 

I've been so lonely 

All of my hopes now so fading away 

I've longed for love 

Like everyone else does 

I know I'll keep searching after today 

RIP Cory Monteith and my heart. ♡

Just a LITTLE late

I just realised I didn't write a 2012 conclusion entry. I am little upset haha. OK anyway I've decided to consolidate some of my thoughts about 2012. This will be a short one.

2012 was magical. It was really a rollercoaster year for me. There were SO MANY good memories, and by so many I really mean a lot. Especially with the Jump people (Meikee, Justin, Yida, Edwin) and my classmates. There were also a few bad memories. There were also some sad memories. BUT 2012 WAS MOSTLY GREAT.

Here were some moments of 2012 that I loved:

• Simple Plan
• The afternoon at Ron's place when Kim broke the glass table on my foot I STILL HAVE THE SCAR
• The movie marathons
• 1000 followers on twitter (it was pretty glorious)
• The day I went to the Titanic Exhibition
• Jump wrap party
• Late night Skypes/phone calls that required me to be whispering
• Chronicle
• Valentines day (Hahahahaha #foreveralone party)
• The Jump roadshows (the school visits and the one at Orchard)
• The gathering we had to watch the first episode of Jump
• My birthday
• Movie night in MGS and the after part
• Meeting Lynnie
• Studying at Esplanade
• Those times when I was a little rebellious 
• Rosey and Raeann's birthday
• The filming of It Takes Two (and the wrap party keke)
• The last day of O levels
• My class
• You

Haha as you can see, my year mainly revolved around the Jumpies hehehehe this is why I love them so much. I cannot recall much now, I am sure there were even more moments that I loved. 

Thank you, once again, to: Lynnie, Kim, Ron, Sof, Meikee, Edwin, Justin, Yida, Rosey, Raeann, Michelle, my family. Thanks for always being there when I gave each and everyone of you a good reason to leave. Thanks for standing on my side even when I was wrong. Thank you for loving me even though I am a super annoying and weird friend/daughter/sister. I love you guys.
(special thanks to my soulmate, thank you for understanding me inside out. My weird quirks and shit hehe muax)

Thank you 4D for being the most amazing class ever. Now I am depressed that I'll never have a group of people that would match up to your (our) awesomeness haha. All the best minions!

Thank you for showing me that this world isn't all rosy and sunny. But rather, this world is filled with pretentious smiles and fake people. :-) You taught me to be careful of the people I trust and who I say what to. Your actions caused me much pain but they made me grow so much. I am so much stronger now. So, thank you very much. Kill with kindness baby. (I just said 'much' like 4 times)

Last but not least, thank you for loving me. For never leaving until the last moment.

Here's an entry I wrote right after the clock struck twelve on the 1st of January 2013. I don't know why I didn't post it though. 

Happy new year folks.


To be honest, I am pretty reluctant to let go of 2012. I wish I still had another month of 2012, a month more of white lies, denial and escape.

As I watched the countdown approach 1, I recalled everything important that happened this year. The friendships, the love, the losses, the hardship, the pain, the joy. What I went through this year was way beyond anything I've ever experienced in a span of 12 months. And yet guess what? I am still alive and  stronger than ever before. There were many things in 2012 that I wished had lasted and many things that I wished I had done differently. But I don't think I regret anything because I believe everything happens for a good reason and if there's no good reason for it, it wouldn't happen. 



Here's to a new year filled with more of life's challenges. Here's to us surviving them. Here's to being happy.


With lots of love, sadness, no regrets, and hope,
Fang Rong

"Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos."

― Charles M. Schulz

(Not so short an entry afterall lol)

I want to hi-five you, in the face, with a durian shell ♡

How could I be so wrong about someone?

Why are some people so absorbed in being popular? Is being popular that important? 
Are you that insecure to the point that you need 1000 friends to feel loved?

Do you really need to be amongst the "popular kids" to feel accepted and not lonely?
Are you that desperate that you need to bootlick to get to where you want to be?

How does one even become so fake?

How could you be so mean? To think that I couldn't even bear to be angry at you. Haha oh how naïve I was.

Sometimes I wonder if we are only friends because I happen to occasionally appear on the television.

I am really disappointed in you. I thought you were better than this.




My blood boils when I think about the amount of fake "friends" around me now.
But I guess I am thankful for the handful of REAL people in my life.
Thank you for reaffirming my belief that there is more good in a person than there is bad.

Hmm and you must be egoistic enough to think that this entry is about you. (But I guess you're right, this entry IS about you) You can go duck your sick.

Here's a tip: Instead of licking peoples boots, try getting yourself a pair. PUN TIME!

So much feels

"What if it was just a wrong time? Maybe it will work out now?"
"Well if it was the wrong time then it is the wrong person."
(from @cremies)


This just sums up how I am feeling now.

Look at this picture. 

Some people might think it's a sweet and lovely photo but I actually think that it's really sad. 

I mean the ring (moon) is so far away, it's almost impossible to put the ring on that person's finger. 

And rings symbolise promises — in this case, the promises are almost impossible to fulfill. 
(?)

Side note, I really love this video. Rihanna's expressions were so real.

Pweese I beg u

Being a vet has always been on my long list of possible job options. But yesterday I've decided to strike it off for the plain reason that I don't think I will be able to handle animals dying and their families wailing away everyday. 

I brought Cookie to the vet yesterday because she was having a really high fever (40.9°C, highest temp for a dog is 39.5°) and she had been vomiting for the whole of the previous night. While waiting for Cookie's turn, a couple came out of the operating theatre crying really badly, mourning over the death of their dog. Any animal-lover would know how I was feeling then. 

Cookie got admitted for the night. My sister got a call from the vet this morning saying that Cookie has liver failure. 

I hope Cookie can be treated. For now we can only hope.

---------------

On a separate note, I saw this post on facebook this morning and I was completely disgusted. 

Please SAY NO TO COSMETICS/BRANDS THAT TEST ON ANIMALS. And just when you thought they only test on rabbits and mice, no, they test on dogs and cats too.

These are two videos where you can see the actual laboratories and what happens to the animals in there: http://www.peta.org/tv/videos/animal-experimentation/968985922001.aspx and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RgQpcHzLwI&feature=player_embedded. 

Honestly speaking, I didn't watch the videos because I didn't dare to.

Did you know,

• More than 100 million animals are poisoned, burned, crippled, and abused in other ways in U.S. labs each year.
• No experiment is illegal, no matter how cruel, irrelevant to human health, redundant, or painful.
• Ninety five percent of animals used for experiments are excluded from the only federal law offering any sort of protection.
• Even when valid alternatives to animals are available, the law doesn't require that they be used.
• Ninety two percent of experimental drugs that are safe and effective in animals fail in human clinical trials because they don't work or are dangerous.

Here are the companies you CAN buy from: http://www.mediapeta.com/peta/PDF/companiesdonttest.pdf

These are the companies you SHOULD BOYCOTT: http://www.mediapeta.com/peta/PDF/companiesdotest.pdf

                       

PWEESE HEWP MIE N MIE FWENS

PWEESE 

Good day, goodbye!

Would your 8-year-old self be proud of you right now?

This is such a confronting and thought-provoking question.
Don't forget the nights that it all felt right. Are you not the same as you used to be?
2am deep question of the night haha.

Faster than the wind.

I set all my regrets on fire cause I know I'll never take the time to unpack my missteps and call all of our friends. I got the hint.

But that's okay, I like being sad.

This has got to be my favourite entry on Thought Catalog.

I like being sad. I like feeling utterly alone or helpless or dark or all three at once. I like lying in bed and crying or just laying in bed, staring at my ceiling, brooding over the train wreck my life seems to be. I like feeling sorry for myself. I like being miserable and touchy and quiet. I relish in the question, “Are you okay?” I get off on looking ominous and answering with a quiet, “Yeah……(read, prolonged silence) I’m fine I guess.”

I don’t feel sad because I’m depressed. I don’t feel depressed because I’m crazy. I like being sad because sad inspires me. I like being sad because sad gives me courage to say things. Sad gives me an excuse — more than anger or euphoria or mundaneness — to speak my mind. Sad sometimes even gives me a free pass for the things that escape my lips when I receive said courage.

I like being sad because it gives me time — time to reflect, be quiet, be still, and just think. Sad allows me to center myself. It allows me to regroup, reorganize, and throw things together in ways that I never would have thought of had I been happy. Happiness is distracting, complicated, and subjective. Sad is simple, clean, and focused.

I know no one else likes it when I’m sad. The responses range from empathetic sorrow to annoyance to eventual rage from those closest to me over the frustrating assortment of emotions I always display.

“But you said [insert something I said while happy here].”

“Well I’ve changed my mind because now I’m sad and unless you can get me either super drunk or super laid in the next thirty seconds, it’s not happening.”

Cue stage one of quiet resentments radiating from those around me.

Even when sad pushes people away, even when sad isolates me, even when sad makes me lose things or places or people, I still like being sad.

I like being sad because I feel closest to myself when I am sad. Because, let’s be honest, who sits down — while happy — to write poetry or think about the course their life might be headed on or do anything productive. No. When you are young and happy you are burning daylight. You are dancing and laughing and loving and…well, not being sad. But being young and sad brings with it a veil of maturity. Staying in, staying sober, and staying alone has their perks in the form of productivity and sometimes even some online shopping (unless you are staying in and not staying sober but that’s an entirely different sad that I like).

Writing this just made me sad. But that’s okay.

I like being sad.

(from Thought Catalog: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/i-like-being-sad/)

here dis iz a random donut 4 u

haz a naise dae

Only a visitor, not permanent.

I have never been good with goodbyes.

Which is why I always try to keep a healthy distance between me and the people I make friends with. It's not that I block myself from making friends or anything. It's just that I constantly remind myself that I can survive just fine without anyone, friends are just a bonus. I don't need no one. Because I hate it when people leave, because I can't handle change, because I can't handle the transition from being attached to detached. Or maybe it's just because I really don't need anyone.

Do you know that feeling when you see someone you used to be so close to with a new group of friends? The feeling of replacement, unwantedness? It's not like we quarreled or anything. It's just that as time goes by, relationships fade. We all have our separate lives and I guess we just don't need each other anymore. That's the worst in my opinion, the fact that everything stopped so gradually and subtly. No more common memories will be made anymore and you didn't even know. You didn't even have the chance to salvage or cherish more.

We would end up staying up late at night wondering about how things could've been, wishing things turned out the way you hoped it did.

It saddens me how people can drift apart from each other so easily. It makes me wonder how they found it so easy to throw away all the memories and the happiness they shared. It's like the string that bound them together never existed. Or maybe there was never a string to begin with, which was why they were able to just walk away without looking back.

Such a pity, isn't it? But that's just life, there was nothing much I could've done anyway. I've loved and I've lost. 

To all the people that I've met in my life, especially those who were close to me, thank you for all the good memories. You have no idea how much you mean to me. 

Ending this entry with some quotes that warmed my heart.

"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a good reason." 

"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroad, afraid, confused, without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course when faced with the unknown, most of us prefer to turn around and go back. But once in a while, people push on to something better, something found just beyond the pain of going it alone, and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in, or give someone a second chance, something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. because it's only when you're tested, that you discover who you are, that you discover who you can be. The person you can be does exist, beyond the hard work, faith, belief, and beyond the heartache, and fear of what lies ahead. "