Kindness Begins with Yourself

I've been too hard on myself.

Everyone has the right to feel what they feel, but all this while I've denied myself this right — thinking that it was all my fault that this happened. 

"Be the bigger person Fang, forgive and bury the hatchet."

I've tried to push everything aside and start over. I forgave, and I tried. I tried to control the jealousy and feelings of betrayal. But every Snapchat/tweet/Instagram picture, I just ache a little inside. I used to be there doing that, but not anymore. I feel like I'm a bad person, letting negativity get the better of me. It almost feels like being forced to hang out with my ex lover and his new girlfriend and pretend I'm comfortable. 

I looked at myself become bitter and bitchy and thought, what is wrong with me? This shouldn't even affect me? This is nothing. People have the right to make new friends with one another if they clicked better.

Well if new friendships were natural occurences that can't be helped, I believe I too deserve to be true to how I feel (which also can't be help). The fact is, I should feel sad, I should feel betrayed. Every emotion has a reason and it won't go away until it has taught us what needed to be learnt. All along I was convinced that I needed to stop whatever I was feeling, that I just needed to be more understanding and kind. But I wasn't treated the same way, no effort was made to consider my feelings. If anyone else had been in my situation, they'd understand, hopefully.

Be kind to others, but be kinder to yourself.