I want to learn something from everyone I meet, whether it's good or bad.
I want to learn why they behave the way they do - did they have a bad day? Were they too caught up in the wrong things?
I want to know why they are so bitter about the world.
I want to know what hardships they had to face when they were younger.
I want to know what makes them smile, I want to know what makes them cry.
I want to know why they hate themselves?
I want to hear them talk about something they are passionate about.
I want to hear them talk about something they hate.
Only when I understand can I make the world a better place - for me and the people around me. If we learn the simple concept that everyone has a reason why they act the way they do, we will be able to accept them for who they are and not get mad or upset.
Put yourself in their shoes. Rough childhoods, insecurities, heartbreaks, pride. The list is endless. There are so many layers that contribute to the person we see today. The problem lies deep within oneself. And the only way we can help is by understanding.
It is pointless to get angry, it doesn't solve or change anything. I recently read a quote that said,
"It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."
- Tom Gates
To bring change, you have to be calm. To bring change, you shouldn't let irrationality cause you to do something you cannot Ctrl-Z. To bring change, understand.
It's been a long while since I updated this space. I've been a lot more active on Dayre, where I recently started this mini project called #Today. I use that tag when I learn something new or when I want to share something encouraging. Check out my Dayre at www.dayre.me/9fang6
Anyway, today I want to talk to you guys about something that we got all wrong. We are living in this world, where we aim to be rich, famous and successful. We want to be better than others. We are so consumed by that idea so much so that we forget that the most important thing in life is love.
It is loving the people around you - people you care about and the complete strangers you meet on the bus. It is loving the environment. It is loving what you do. It is loving all things around you.
But instead, we are filled with discontent. We get angry when people don't believe in the same ideologies, we get frustrated when things don't go our way, we get upset with our own appearances. We want to control everything. We want to be superior so that we feel better about ourselves. This superiority complex creates an imbalance that is detrimental to the human race.
I am an agnostic atheist - meaning that I do not believe in a God, but I'm open to religion if it one day touches my heart. But the teachings of Buddhism has always resonated with me. Inner peace, acceptance, kindness, forgiveness and empathy. And I do believe that every religion advocates the same, that's why I respect all religions and their followers. I understand that everyone has different beliefs and I respect that. It does not matter if you're a Muslim, Christian or Jew. If you are nice and kind, I will respect you and I will respect your beliefs. Likewise, regardless of your gender, race, age, sexual orientation, I will give you all the respect you deserve. We just have to understand that although everyone is different, we are all fundementally the same and we should treat everyone with respect. We can all coexist despite all our differences with just a little bit of compassion and understanding.
Everyone has a purpose on this Earth, and we have to accept ourselves and our place. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to be better people, but we shouldn't try to be someone else. In life, things won't go as planned. We are going to lose people we love, there's always going to be someone better, and we are going to face hardships that will make our life seem not worth living. But that's where love comes in. I urge you to look around and if you see that someone needs help, help them. If you see someone needs a shoulder to lean on, be there for them. Be the person you'd need if you were in their position. And that is how take a step towards making the world a better place.
Let me share with you something rather personal. In 2013, I was at the lowest point of my life. I was juggling JC work, intensive dance rehearsals for SYF and crazy filming schedules. I would wake up for school, go for dance practice, then film till 2am. This would go on for months. And obviously, my schoolwork was heavily compromised. I did badly for my mid-year exams. Everything just started going downhill from there, I became depressed and I felt like nothing was going right. I thought no one loved me and I was worthless. I felt like I was always second best at everything. I did everything I could to escape. I snuck out of home, went out at night, drank and partied - whatever it took to make me feel just a little bit of something. I was a void. I was nothing. Around October 2013, I got caught by my parents for sneaking out and I was grounded. I had my laptop and phone taken away for almost a month and I couldn't go out or contact any of my friends. I felt miserable. Miserable wouldn't even cut it. I left JC a week before promos because I just could not handle whatever was on my plate. But something amazing happened. Something within me ticked and I was enlightened. I realised, if I couldn't change the way things were, I should change the way I thought about them. I accepted things that I could not change and worked on the things I could. I started treating the world kinder than it did me, I told myself that only with a positive mindset will I get better. I lived by kindness, compassion and empathy. And trust me on this, optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you. True enough, things did get better.
To this day it still amazes me how it happened, because I still have no clue how I managed to pick myself up from 0 to 100. I guess the many books I read (Tuesdays With Morrie - recommended), the songs I listened to (Continuum by John Mayer), and my lovely counsellor, Monica, helped direct me towards the right path. She helped me realise that my resilience is something I should be proud of - for radiating positivity even in my darkest moments. She did this activity with me on the last day of our sessions and told me to sum up the hopes I had for myself in the future.
I wanted to
Be at one with the universe
Be at peace with myself and everything around me
Strive to be a better person
Gain wisdom and a mature understanding of life
Help others
Always be kind
Experience positive mood states
Be loyal to my friends and family
Connect with nature
Be appreciative of everything
Enjoy music, art and drama
Be physically fit
And I still hold these very close to my heart. This whole ordeal was the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has shaped the person I am today and taught me so much. I grew from being a person who was always unsatisfied with myself to a person who now understands that being the best self I could be is more than enough. Which is why I always believe that everything happens for a good reason.
"…we always have a choice. We can become bitter or we can choose to become bigger and better people. When we learn to recognize that every experience can bring a blessing of some kind, our upset is softened." - John Marks Templeton (Wisdom From World Religions: Pathways Toward Heaven On Earth)
And digressing a little, as I type this, I feel loads of guilt. Because I know, I take my family for granted. They are the biggest support team in my life, no matter what mistakes I've done, they've never failed to show me love and hold my hand. I was so desperate to look for approval from all the people that didn't matter. All the people that would leave me at the slightest danger. Through all the chaos of finding myself, I had lost sight of the people who never left my side. Always remember those who love you.
I watched this video quite some time back and I chanced upon it today again. I love the message Kalina is trying to bring across. I myself am super bad with small talk. I always feel super awkward and uncomfortable because I fear silence and so I'm always scrambling for stuff to say. She proposes that instead of the superficial "the weather sucks" conversations, we should ask deeper questions and learn more about people and their stories. I love this project.
I want to change the world. If I were ever to have a little bit of fame, I promise I will help this world. Just as people like Michael Jackson and Audrey Hepburn did. They had a vision and they spread ideas. I won't be able to reach their level of influence, but anyhow, I want to share love with as many people as I can. Influence, however big or small is important in shaping the world. Our time on this Earth is merely a few decades long. I don't want to be remembered as an actress or whatever. I want my messages to resonate years after I'm gone. And that's what I am going to do. I will continue in the media industry (which thankfully happens to be something I'm passionate about), not for the money or fame. I will use this opportunity to reach out to others, hear their stories and change lives. If I can have a positive impact on every person I meet then I think that's very well enough.
So I urge all of you to live passionately, love deeply and give endlessly.
"When you begin to look for reasons to believe that every experience is a blessing, you will start to find those reasons."
- Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood (The Passion Test)
