Death Is A Single Moment

If you’re 100% satisfied with your life the way as it is, good for you. But this message, isn’t for you. This message is for the people who ponder about the transience of life. This message is for the people who fear that they may run out of time before they get to fulfil their dreams. This message is for the people who are afraid of losing someone. But life’s too short to worry, right? Except no. The exact reason why we worry is because life is too short. The cold hard truth is that we are all going to die sooner or later. Every single one of us in this room. The fact is, we’ve been dying since the day we were born.

 There are many obvious reasons to fear death. For one, you die. You cease to exist. There's uncertainty as to where you’re headed after death – heaven, hell or nothing at all. You're worried that you won’t accomplish what you want to do in your life, or worried about the loved ones you leave behind. And these are all valid. The fear of death is not useless. From an evolutionary perspective, it is true that some level of fear can help in avoiding situations likely to result in injury or death.

But… is it rational to fear death? 

Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger but it can also be irrational. And most of the time, the fear of death we experience limits our potential.

Firstly, it causes unnecessary stress. It makes us anxious when something is out of our control. Did you know that you are 7000 times more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash? Why then do we experience more anxiety taking the plane instead of a car? Because when driving a car, we have the illusion of control over our lives whereas, in the plane, we feel that it’s not up to us at all. We feel vulnerable. According to Becker’s Terror Management Theory, this disparity of the unwillingness to accept the possibility of death, together with the awareness that you cannot control it, leads to existential stress.

Secondly, the fear of death decreases our motivation to live a productive life. If we’re just going to die, what’s the point of living? A study from York University done in 2016 stated that the fear of death will eventually lead to depression and anxiety due to the conflict between the desire to live for a long time and the knowledge that you probably won’t. That results in uncertainty whether to continue living a purposeful life, or give in to the idea that life is meaningless because everything fades into oblivion.

How then should we approach death? Here are 3 steps you can take in your daily life to cope with the fear of death healthily.


Step one, relieve stress by accepting that death is inevitable. 
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, coined by psychologist Dr Aaron Beck in 1960, proposes that our thoughts affect our feelings which in turn affect our behaviour. That is saying, our perception of a situation is more dependent on our thoughts than the actual situation itself. So, if we cannot change the way things are, we should change the way you think about it. By reframing your thoughts about death, you can alter the way you react and experience it. We are never going to know when we are going to die or how we are going to die. And since we cannot avoid that, we should just make peace with it. Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is.

Step two, prevent regrets by turning this fear into a wakeup call. 
Most of you may be afraid of not being able to achieve what you set out to do or that you’re going to leave your loved ones behind. Why wait till it’s too late? Find out what matters to you – be it your loved ones, your personal goals or your career goals and start now. Make the most out of the time you have on your hands now. Don’t spend decades of your time in this world only to wish on your deathbed that you’ve got more.

Step three, avoid disappointments by just letting things happen. 
Detach yourself from the hopeful idea that you’re going to achieve everything you want to in your life. The uncertainty of death is terrifying. There’s nothing positive about death, but we can still have a positive outlook on life. It might seem cruel, but some people die way before their time. I want to get married, have kids, have a successful career ahead too. But if I die before I do, then so be it. The life that I lead up till then, will be the life I was fated to live. And all that I have done, would be enough.

Perhaps think of death this way:
How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world? 

Maybe we should start measuring our existence not by the number of days but by the number of hearts we’ve touched.


Having an increased level of awareness and acceptance of death will bring about a life with less regrets and a peace of mind. By realising that our life is fleeting and transitory, we are more likely to spend our time fruitfully, focusing on the important things that we care about and refraining from wasting our life away. Also, the awareness and acceptance of death will encourage us to prepare for it.

The reality of death is that it forces us to think about it sooner or later. Avoiding the topic of death won’t decrease the anxiety, it will only postpone the worries. By approaching the matter early, we will be able to overcome fear, attachments and other emotions that could arise at the time of death. That will prepare us with a clear, positive state of mind in the event of an unexpected passing of a loved one or ourselves. There is no way we are going to avoid death, the only thing we can do is to make the best out of it.

In more ways than not, death teaches us how to live. Think of it this way. Heaven is a place on Earth, not some end destination you reach after death by accumulating good deeds. What you make of your life now can make a living heaven, or a living hell. It is now that you can make a difference. To your life, to the lives of the people around you. It is now that you treat people with love and respect. It is now that you make your dreams happen. Not tomorrow, not next life. Stop waiting for the right time because the time is always now to be bold and be good.

“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist”
― Epicurus

Therefore, fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.

(I wrote this as a speech for a public speaking module I was taking in school and I thought it would be meaningful to share.)

Religion and Empathy

Today let's talk religion.

What do you think of when the word 'religion' comes to mind? Do you think of a god? Its followers - Christians/Muslims/Jews/Buddhists? Or going to a church/temple/mosque? While these are all true, it merely grazes the surface of the purpose that a religion is supposed to fulfil.

I believe, in its fundamental essence, religion is meant to help us lead peaceful and happy lives. Each and every religion, despite having different beliefs, teaches the same values of love, compassion and forgiveness. But have we all forgotten that?

It is so easy to live under the impression that there is this religion and that religion, and that these religions are different - so different that they are opposed to each other. Religion has become something we identify with instead of something we practice. Our intolerance has ended up splitting instead of uniting the world. We began putting labels on people, "oh she's Muslim, ah he's Christian", and forgot that above it all, we are but humans. And this doesn't pertain only to religion. Any differences we can find, we shun.

These labels have become the scapegoat for all the problems we face in today's world. 

The crises we face are not exclusive to the perpetrator's religion or race. Let's stop this division between "us" and "them" and recognise that we have so much more in common. That through it all, there is one thing that binds us humans together - our ability to empathise. Empathy constitutes being kind, understanding and respectful towards one another and it is so important to exercise it in everything we do.

We are able to exist in this world and live our comfortable lives because of the kindness of others. 

We receive benefit from so many people we don't even know. Look around, everything we use comes due to the kindness of others - the construction workers who built the house we live in, the farmers who grew vegetables that keep us healthy, the electricians, plumbers, bus drivers and so forth all play important roles that enable the society to run smoothly. Therefore, how is it fair that we judge others and put labels on them just because they are doing more menial jobs than us or just simply different from us? That's just being terribly ungrateful.

There are many good things that being empathetic will bring. By letting people know that they are accepted and loved, we provide a safe environment where they will be able to bring out the best in themselves. We enjoy the peace and harmony we do in Singapore because we acknowledge the importance of respecting one another despite our differences in race, religion and gender. When we share a mutual understanding for one another, it is likely that others will be more forgiving towards your mistakes and shortcomings as well. It's much like a never ending cycle of positivity - be kind to others and receive that kindness in return.

Look past the labels that we put on one another. Respect that people have different paths in life. It doesn't matter whatever faith you believe in, all that matters is that it makes you a better person. When that happens there will be no religion, just a better world for everyone.


References:
Seven Tips for a Happy Life by Ven Thubten Chodron
No Religion by Buddhadasa Bhikkhu

The Meaning

You are ready and able to do beautiful things in this world and after you walk through those doors today, you will only ever have two choices: love or fear. Choose love, and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.

Rat Race

Our world, whether we like it or not, is driven by a force. The force is our constant need to feel appreciated. That's just how we humans function - we always seek to fit in, subconsciously putting us in this endless, self-defeating rat race.

It's almost impossible for us to feel content with ourselves nowadays. We have standards for everything - beauty, intelligence, class, how someone should behave. Ideals that are impossible for an average girl/boy-next-door to meet. Don't get me wrong here, it's always good to strive to be the best versions of ourselves.

The problem here, however, lies in the yardstick by which we measure ourselves. We quantify our worth in terms of how much better or worse we're doing in comparison to other people. Ignoring the fact that we are all very different individuals to begin with.

As we've all learnt in our science classes, in order for an experiment to be fair, all variables are to be kept constant except the one we're measuring. Therefore, if we are measuring our progress and achievements, it is only fair if you're comparing with someone who is 100% identical to you.

What I'm trying to get at is, stop comparing yourself with everyone else because we are all different. We all have different experiences and different problems. Therefore, we can't possibly derive a sense of inferiority or superiority from this comparison.

You are not worse than that person you're jealous of, YOU ARE YOU. You have your own struggles, they have theirs. You have your own merits, they have theirs. Even though it's easy to feel like you're utter crap in comparison to someone else, remember that no matter how glamorous someone paints their life to be, they too have their dark times.

Similarly, you are not better than anyone else. Don't put others down because they are not as accomplished as you are. We are all at different stages of our lives. We may be taking different routes, some may be faster or slower than others, but we are all heading towards the same direction - to be happy and to be appreciated.

The only two people you need to compare with are your past and future selves. How far have you come, where do you want to be? Give yourself credit for whatever progress you've made thus far and set realistic goals for your future. Base your progress on your internal growth and not external factors. 

Whether you like it or not, you're all you've got for the rest of your life. Learn to embrace all your flaws and recognise all your strengths.

Exercise some empathy, not only on others but on yourself too. Be kind.

The Lesson of a Moth

i was talking to a moth
the other evening
he was trying to break into
an electric bulb
and fry himself on the wires

why do you fellows
pull this stunt i asked him
because it is the conventional
thing for moths or why
if that had been an uncovered
candle instead of an electric
light bulb you would
now be a small unsightly cinder
have you no sense

plenty of it he answered
but at times we get tired
of using it
we get bored with routine
and crave beauty
and excitement
fire is beautiful
and we know that if we get
too close it will kill us
but what does that matter
it is better to be happy
for a moment
and be burned up with beauty
than to live a long time
and be bored all the while
so we wad all our life up
into one little roll
and then we shoot the roll
that is what life is for
it is better to be part of beauty
our attitude toward life
is come easy go easy
we are like human beings
used to be before they became
too civilized to enjoy themselves

and before i could argue him
out of his philosophy
he went and immolated himself
on a patent cigar lighter
i do not agree with him
myself i would rather have
half the happiness and twice
the longevity

but at the same time i wish
there was something i wanted
as badly as he wanted to fry himself 

― Kevin Dutton, 
The Wisdom of Psychopaths: 
What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers Can Teach Us About Success