There are many obvious reasons to fear death. For one, you die. You cease to exist. There's uncertainty as to where you’re headed after death – heaven, hell or nothing at all. You're worried that you won’t accomplish what you want to do in your life, or worried about the loved ones you leave behind. And these are all valid. The fear of death is not useless. From an evolutionary perspective, it is true that some level of fear can help in avoiding situations likely to result in injury or death.
But… is it rational to fear death?
Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger but it can also be irrational. And most of the time, the fear of death we experience limits our potential.
Firstly, it causes unnecessary stress. It makes us anxious when something is out of our control. Did you know that you are 7000 times more likely to die in a car crash than a plane crash? Why then do we experience more anxiety taking the plane instead of a car? Because when driving a car, we have the illusion of control over our lives whereas, in the plane, we feel that it’s not up to us at all. We feel vulnerable. According to Becker’s Terror Management Theory, this disparity of the unwillingness to accept the possibility of death, together with the awareness that you cannot control it, leads to existential stress.
Secondly, the fear of death decreases our motivation to live a productive life. If we’re just going to die, what’s the point of living? A study from York University done in 2016 stated that the fear of death will eventually lead to depression and anxiety due to the conflict between the desire to live for a long time and the knowledge that you probably won’t. That results in uncertainty whether to continue living a purposeful life, or give in to the idea that life is meaningless because everything fades into oblivion.
How then should we approach death? Here are 3 steps you can take in your daily life to cope with the fear of death healthily.
Step one, relieve stress by accepting that death is inevitable.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, coined by psychologist Dr Aaron Beck in 1960, proposes that our thoughts affect our feelings which in turn affect our behaviour. That is saying, our perception of a situation is more dependent on our thoughts than the actual situation itself. So, if we cannot change the way things are, we should change the way you think about it. By reframing your thoughts about death, you can alter the way you react and experience it. We are never going to know when we are going to die or how we are going to die. And since we cannot avoid that, we should just make peace with it. Remember, most of your stress comes from the way you respond, not the way life is.
Step two, prevent regrets by turning this fear into a wakeup call.
Most of you may be afraid of not being able to achieve what you set out to do or that you’re going to leave your loved ones behind. Why wait till it’s too late? Find out what matters to you – be it your loved ones, your personal goals or your career goals and start now. Make the most out of the time you have on your hands now. Don’t spend decades of your time in this world only to wish on your deathbed that you’ve got more.
Step three, avoid disappointments by just letting things happen.
Detach yourself from the hopeful idea that you’re going to achieve everything you want to in your life. The uncertainty of death is terrifying. There’s nothing positive about death, but we can still have a positive outlook on life. It might seem cruel, but some people die way before their time. I want to get married, have kids, have a successful career ahead too. But if I die before I do, then so be it. The life that I lead up till then, will be the life I was fated to live. And all that I have done, would be enough.
Perhaps think of death this way:
How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world?
How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world?
Maybe we should start measuring our existence not by the number of days but by the number of hearts we’ve touched.
Having an increased level of awareness and acceptance of death will bring about a life with less regrets and a peace of mind. By realising that our life is fleeting and transitory, we are more likely to spend our time fruitfully, focusing on the important things that we care about and refraining from wasting our life away. Also, the awareness and acceptance of death will encourage us to prepare for it.
The reality of death is that it forces us to think about it sooner or later. Avoiding the topic of death won’t decrease the anxiety, it will only postpone the worries. By approaching the matter early, we will be able to overcome fear, attachments and other emotions that could arise at the time of death. That will prepare us with a clear, positive state of mind in the event of an unexpected passing of a loved one or ourselves. There is no way we are going to avoid death, the only thing we can do is to make the best out of it.
In more ways than not, death teaches us how to live. Think of it this way. Heaven is a place on Earth, not some end destination you reach after death by accumulating good deeds. What you make of your life now can make a living heaven, or a living hell. It is now that you can make a difference. To your life, to the lives of the people around you. It is now that you treat people with love and respect. It is now that you make your dreams happen. Not tomorrow, not next life. Stop waiting for the right time because the time is always now to be bold and be good.
“Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist”
― Epicurus
― Epicurus
Therefore, fear does not prevent death. It prevents life.
(I wrote this as a speech for a public speaking module I was taking in school and I thought it would be meaningful to share.)
