Overcoming Flaws

It irks me when things don't go my way, I can get very annoyed in fact. Simple daily things like dropping my phone or missing the bus or when plans don't go as planned. I lose my temper, whine and complain. In almost every aspect of my life I am pretty insecure too — my appearance, my personality, my talents etc. You might think, "How can you be insecure? You certainly don't seem insecure!" Well, there's always someone better, and comparison is a battle I’m still fighting. I just can't accept things the way they are.

I watched this TED talk in class a few days ago and it inspired me. Do watch the video if you have some time.

Kathryn Schulz raised a point on culture having a role to play in the chase for perfectionism and I thought it was really true.


"Think back for a moment to elementary school. You're sitting there in class, and your teacher is handing back quiz papers, and one of them looks like this (right). This is not mine, by the way. (Laughter) So there you are in grade school, and you know exactly what to think about the kid who got this paper. It's the dumb kid, the troublemaker, the one who never does his homework. So by the time you are nine years old, you've already learned, first of all, that people who get stuff wrong are lazy, irresponsible dimwits -- and second of all, that the way to succeed in life is to never make any mistakes.

We learn these really bad lessons really well. And a lot of us -- and I suspect, especially a lot of us in this room -- deal with them by just becoming perfect little A students, perfectionists, over-achievers. Right,Mr. CFO, astrophysicist, ultra-marathoner? (Laughter) You're all CFO, astrophysicists, ultra-marathoners, it turns out. Okay, so fine. Except that then we freak out at the possibility that we've gotten something wrong. Because according to this, getting something wrong means there's something wrong with us. So we just insist that we're right, because it makes us feel smart and responsible and virtuous and safe."

Since young, we have been accustomed to think that making mistakes = imperfect = failure = not “normal” = not accepted.

Don't follow the social norms? Delinquent. Weirdo.

Failed your math test again? You stupid or what. Forget about your dream to be a doctor lah.

Ew you’re too ugly/fat/skinny/socially awkward...

We were taught not to be okay with ourselves. We were taught that being different is wrong. That there's only one ideal. We wind up desperately trying to change ourselves. Plastic surgery, hiding in the closet pretending to be straight, having more friends so you can validate yourself. And it feels terrible. It sucks, that it is absolutely normal to feel uncomfortable in our own skin.

You might think it’s a little exaggerated or like “err obviously right Fang? If not what should our world be based on? The more flaws the better?” Well no. It is true that striving for excellence is the essence of human progress. If people gave up trying just because they kept falling from the bicycle, no one would learn how to cycle.

However, the TED talk reminded me that I couldn’t control everything. I am only human. For awhile, I was so consumed with what I couldn't be and forgot all that I simply am right now.

And everyone struggles. The pretty picture they paint on their social media is not an accurate depiction of their lives. The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our "behind-the-scenes" with everyone else's highlight reel.  We fail to see the good that we are because we are so blinded by what we think is good. So don't be jealous of others, don't compare. You are uniquely you and you have something everyone else doesn't have. You don't have to change yourself to fit in.

Life is so much more than all the trivial and materialistic things we worry about. I believe that in order to obtain inner peace and my ideal being, I need to just let things be. Simply be.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

— Marcus Aurelius 

I am sure many of you have probably heard the phrase “Let it be” or “Que sera, sera”. It just means that instead of struggling to change things we cannot change, we should change the way we think about it. We must understand that many things are not within our control and everything is pretty much unpredictable.  Only when we are able to come to terms with the fluidity that is life, will we be able to sail along with the currents and not get washed over. When we wish for things and we do not understand that it might possibly not go our way, we get beaten down and disappointed when it really doesn’t turn out right. But if we understand that we can’t control everything, we will be calm in the face of adversity and we will also be in a better state to solve the problem.

It's not that we should leave everything up to fate and stop working hard for the things we want,  but sometimes when things don't go our way we just need to take a deep breath and accept it. You don't have to be anyone else, just your best self.

I'm flawed, but I'm alive and that's something to be happy about.

Alek Wek's mother told her she was beautiful all the time, and she believed it.