Hello you,
It's a cloudy Tuesday afternoon on the 29th of November 2016. How are you doing?
I would have never imagined that just thinking about you right now would make me so emotional. The young, silly and cheerful girl who was full of wonder.
I recall the time you were tying a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree. That was the first show you filmed, Coming Home in 2003. It was the start of something magical, something I am now so immensely proud to call my career. Thank you for pushing through all these years, and for eventually realising that it is indeed a blessing to be able to touch the hearts of people while doing something that you are so passionate about.
The crucial four years of your adolescence will wind up being one of the best periods of our life, 2009 - 2012. The friendships you make will go far and beyond that little comfort bubble and will continue to blossom in the many years to come. You may fall in and out of friendships but you will hold every friend close to your heart. Pay attention, because each and every person you meet will teach you something indispensable.
When you turn 16, you will start to become rebellious. Adventurous if you will. Your curiosity may lead you to do things that will get yourself hurt. But breaking the rules, falling down and hitting rock bottom will be pivotal to your growth. You will become aware of the amount of strength and courage you never once imagined you embodied. Positivity, kindness, and empathy will shape your soul as you discover yourself. You will catch a glimpse of me.
Love can be quite funny and erratic when you're young - a simultaneously enchanting and debilitating experience. Some relationships will fail and you will learn from them. You will understand what it means to let go of some things that although meant the world to you, was not meant for you. From that you will gain the capacity to release your tight grip on everything you ever wanted to control.
Love is otherworldly when you are older. Slowly as you mature, you will begin to make real the true self that you have kept, deep on the inside. You will profoundly realise your identity and come to terms with all your shortcomings. You will accept your place on this planet, no more no less, and focus your energy on being the best you. You will stop asking why, and start saying thank you. My dear, you will learn to love yourself.
When you share a heart of appreciation, love comes in all forms. Lucky for me, mine came in companionship. A personification of everything I believe in. Someone who encourages me day in day out to strive towards the person I aspire to be. And he does that just by simply being his pure self. Always genuine and full of wonder. The most beautiful person I have ever come to know. I have nothing but love and respect.
See, all these mistakes you've made, I cherish every single one of them up to this day. Some days can get dark and it may seem like it is the end of the road. But with every passing adversity, you have only proven yourself to be resilient.
Bad things happened and bad things will continue to happen. The perspective you choose to take, however, is what will steer your life in the right direction. And for your case, your enduring positivity radiating from above never once failed to penetrate through any of those gray clouds.
As I look back today, you were growing all along. You did not notice the changes because you were too absorbed and had forgotten to zoom out to look at the big picture. After all, the eye only sees what the mind is prepared to comprehend. So trust in the course of time and nature.
In the meantime, enjoy the ride.
For the story isn't over yet.
Love,
Me
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Wednesday, October 05, 2016
Let It Happen
Despite all the world, we are haunted
By something we can't explain
The dark, rejection, failure, oblivion.. death.
I've always had this incessant fear of dying young. I could never accept the fact that when I die, I will just cease to exist - and the world will continue to on without even a noticeable hiccup. We've spent all our lives living as one person, ourselves, and that is no wonder we would feel as though the world revolves around us (in one way or another). Surprise surprise, it doesn't. We are but a moment in time, a tiny piece of history, a fragment of this universe.
This thought keeps recurring though - what would people say at my funeral? Who would show up, whose lives would I have touched, who would they remember me as? I think this is a more moralising way to think of death (and life). How well have you lived your life, with whatever time you're given, to positively impact this world? Measuring your existence not by the days but by the number of hearts you've reached out to.
Here's a quick reality check.
If you found out you were dying, would you be nicer? Would you love more? Would you try something new? Well, you are. We all are.
Life is right now. I can't emphasise this enough. These are the moments that you are given. This is the part you're in control of. It is up to you to be content and at peace. People live through their days doing the job they don't enjoy for the big bucks or staying angry at a good friend. We treat ourselves unkindly, both the mind and the body. We actively allow this to happen when we choose to invest our time and energy on our egos. And that's how we will end up spending decades of our time in this world only to wish on our deathbeds that we've got more time.
See, Heaven is a place on Earth, not some destination you reach after after death by accumulating good deeds. It is now that you can make a difference. To your life, to the lives of the people around you. It is now that you treat people with love and respect. It is now that you make your dreams happen. Not tomorrow, not next life. Stop waiting for the right time because the time is always now to be bold and be good.
Fear is pointless. It does nothing but stop you from living. Death is inevitable and there is nothing we can do to prevent it. And in fact, I don't want to prevent it. If I were to die tomorrow, it would just mean that my purpose is up and I've done enough. That's all I'm meant to do in my life.
Don't fight it, just let it happen.
I used to fear death, but now the only thing that scares me is my fearlessness.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Don't Allow Yourself to be an Accomplice to Cyberbullying
We often don't realise the magnitude of our actions and words online until they are too late.
Recently I saw an Instagram post by a friend of mine, talking about this Instagram account, @sgbasicbitch.
Update: The account (@sgbasicbitch) has been taken down as of 28th September.
As a typical Singaporean, I was curious to find out more about this account and so I clicked on it. The owner of this account basically posts pictures of Singaporean bloggers and publicly shames them. What I find particularly ridiculous is the fact that people are commenting on how they love the posts and find it hilarious.
What people don't see is that these public figures are humans too. Maybe this hit slightly close to home that's why I decided to write this blog post. I am no blogger or social media influencer, but I know how it feels like to be picked on for your flaws. Hate is bound to happen when you're under the watch of so many people, BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE THE HATE JUSTIFIABLE. Just because your job requires you to put yourself out there in front of everyone doesn't mean you don't have feelings. Because things like that hurt, and they hurt a lot more than we think.
Everybody makes mistakes, famous people included. So this post isn't about defending people with a large following because just like every single one of us, they falter from time to time too. This post is about just understanding that humour doesn't have to come at the expense of someone else's feelings. That just because someone is famous, doesn't make them any less susceptible to the traumatic effects of bullying.
You can dislike someone but there is absolutely no reason to be disrespectful. Not even in the name of humour. Because when things like that leave a scar, they stay. I don't expect you to like everyone you see online, but I certainly do not agree to being mean and hateful.
We often land ourselves in the role of an accomplice to cyberbullying without even knowing. By liking these posts or sharing them just for the laughs, we are not only feeding to the negativity that has been established, we are also giving bullying a big thumbs up. We are allowing bullies to get their way and we are hurting someone somewhere.
So please, don't let someone out there feel the pain of being ostracised — online or offline. Because if those tables turn, that person could just be your sibling, your best friend, your child or even you yourself. There are better ways to correct someone's mistakes than to single them out and humiliate them. Spare a thought.
Be nice if not be respectful at the very least.
Recently I saw an Instagram post by a friend of mine, talking about this Instagram account, @sgbasicbitch.
 |
| Username has been blurred out for confidentiality. |
Update: The account (@sgbasicbitch) has been taken down as of 28th September.
As a typical Singaporean, I was curious to find out more about this account and so I clicked on it. The owner of this account basically posts pictures of Singaporean bloggers and publicly shames them. What I find particularly ridiculous is the fact that people are commenting on how they love the posts and find it hilarious.
I have no idea when cyberbullying became socially acceptable or even funny but there should never be a reason to partake in it.
Everybody makes mistakes, famous people included. So this post isn't about defending people with a large following because just like every single one of us, they falter from time to time too. This post is about just understanding that humour doesn't have to come at the expense of someone else's feelings. That just because someone is famous, doesn't make them any less susceptible to the traumatic effects of bullying.
You can dislike someone but there is absolutely no reason to be disrespectful. Not even in the name of humour. Because when things like that leave a scar, they stay. I don't expect you to like everyone you see online, but I certainly do not agree to being mean and hateful.
We often land ourselves in the role of an accomplice to cyberbullying without even knowing. By liking these posts or sharing them just for the laughs, we are not only feeding to the negativity that has been established, we are also giving bullying a big thumbs up. We are allowing bullies to get their way and we are hurting someone somewhere.
So please, don't let someone out there feel the pain of being ostracised — online or offline. Because if those tables turn, that person could just be your sibling, your best friend, your child or even you yourself. There are better ways to correct someone's mistakes than to single them out and humiliate them. Spare a thought.
Be nice if not be respectful at the very least.
Thursday, August 18, 2016
Tuesday, June 14, 2016
Why I'm Hopeful About the Future
It has been a rather depressing week for the news. Christina Grimmie got murdered brutally during a fan meet-and-greet, gunman opened fire at more than 50 people in a gay club in Orlando, insensitive comments made on the anti-Pink Dot Facebook group threatening to kill LGBTs and "watch them die for their cause", the ban on the same-sex kiss in Les Mis, Brock Turner, Donald Trump.
I realised all of them were fuelled by hate. Burning hatred for a person or a group of people. And that scares me. To think that we have forgotten that we're all brothers and sisters regardless of our religion, sexual orientation, race or whatever.
Living in a world with 7 billion people, we are bound to have our differences. But we don't need to be assholes about it. We are all made up of the same stuff - a brain to understand and a heart to empathise.
Living in a world with 7 billion people, we are bound to have our differences. But we don't need to be assholes about it. We are all made up of the same stuff - a brain to understand and a heart to empathise.
"The idea that some lives matter less is the root of all that is wrong with the world."
— Paul Farmer
To be honest, I was quite disheartened after all that has been going on in the recent months (especially after I started paying closer attention to current affairs). It worries me to think that global warming is so real, intolerance towards different races, religions, sexual orientation, and even gender is so real. People are acting out crimes of violence in the name of religions that are so pure in nature. People judge and despise without sparing a thought for the reasons why others are acting the way they do. It worries me the most that many are still oblivious to the magnitude of these issues and are still playing this like a game.
Please. It's time to take world matters seriously before they get out of hand. Choose to love, accept and understand. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you want others to be tolerant and respectful towards your beliefs, learn to be tolerant towards theirs too.
The following note is written by Dalai Lama, today, with regards to the stuff that has been happening. Give it a read.
Please. It's time to take world matters seriously before they get out of hand. Choose to love, accept and understand. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you want others to be tolerant and respectful towards your beliefs, learn to be tolerant towards theirs too.
The following note is written by Dalai Lama, today, with regards to the stuff that has been happening. Give it a read.
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping."
— Fred Rogers
Be the change you want to see and never lose faith in a better tomorrow.
Monday, May 09, 2016
Enough
As I've mentioned, I'm still a human learning to be a better person every day. And today I find myself coming back to the same problem that I've been rounding about for ages — self-worth.
Yeah I talked about self-worth before and how it shouldn't be made in comparison to others but it is obviously easier said than done.
There are times I look at myself. And all I see is all that I'm not. All that I could be and all that I should be. I centre my thoughts around negativity. I think, why am I like this? Maybe I should be like her instead. I sometimes even feel ashamed of myself. And it's stupid. No one should ever feel ashamed of who they are just because they don't comply with a set of standards that god knows who created. Who is to say what is an ideal person and put others down based on that?
I fail to see the people around me who love me despite all the flaws. I fail to recognise my talents and give myself some credit for it. I fail to realise that I'm not who I am because of what others are like.
I think this stems from humans' terrible habit of judging. We ourselves know the mean things we are capable of saying about another person so we feel the need to be perfect to ensure that others won't harbour such thoughts about us. A huge huge flaw in our society. We tend to feel that we are superior or inferior compared to others and that brings about an imbalance that doesn't need to exist. Being judgemental will always come back and bite us in the butt, an undying cycle that is often overlooked.
So I urge you to refrain from judging others. Stop all negative thoughts about others. Instead, try to empathise. Understand why others are the way they are, and always remember that however they are, they are not better or worse than you. If we can view everyone else as our brothers and sisters on this Earth, nothing more and nothing less than ourselves, we will understand the true meaning of coexisting in harmony. Without prejudice or hate. We will not only be able to eliminate self-esteem issues, but many global issues that are plaguing our world today.
Fret not because we are very much in control. All we have to do is change the way we think. We have a choice to look past the person we are not and work on the person we want to be. This is framed by the thoughts we have - about ourselves and the world around us. As humans, it is arguably within our nature to be greedy and to always want what we can't have. That can be a good thing, a driving force for improvement. But if taken the wrong direction, it can lead us to a never ending road of discontentment.
For me, I don't want to be the person I'm jealous over. I don't want to have a nice body or many friends. I realised I don't need that, because that isn't me. I want to be the best me I can be. I want to appreciate all that I've got because to be honest, I'm pretty damn lucky myself (and I'm sure you are too).
Life is a continuous learning journey and although I write these words I know I will continue to doubt myself, second guess my worth and feel upset from time to time. But that's okay, as long as I keep in my heart that we are all humans and we are all equal. And through it all, I'm just me.
There are times I look at myself. And all I see is all that I'm not. All that I could be and all that I should be. I centre my thoughts around negativity. I think, why am I like this? Maybe I should be like her instead. I sometimes even feel ashamed of myself. And it's stupid. No one should ever feel ashamed of who they are just because they don't comply with a set of standards that god knows who created. Who is to say what is an ideal person and put others down based on that?
I fail to see the people around me who love me despite all the flaws. I fail to recognise my talents and give myself some credit for it. I fail to realise that I'm not who I am because of what others are like.
I think this stems from humans' terrible habit of judging. We ourselves know the mean things we are capable of saying about another person so we feel the need to be perfect to ensure that others won't harbour such thoughts about us. A huge huge flaw in our society. We tend to feel that we are superior or inferior compared to others and that brings about an imbalance that doesn't need to exist. Being judgemental will always come back and bite us in the butt, an undying cycle that is often overlooked.
So I urge you to refrain from judging others. Stop all negative thoughts about others. Instead, try to empathise. Understand why others are the way they are, and always remember that however they are, they are not better or worse than you. If we can view everyone else as our brothers and sisters on this Earth, nothing more and nothing less than ourselves, we will understand the true meaning of coexisting in harmony. Without prejudice or hate. We will not only be able to eliminate self-esteem issues, but many global issues that are plaguing our world today.
Fret not because we are very much in control. All we have to do is change the way we think. We have a choice to look past the person we are not and work on the person we want to be. This is framed by the thoughts we have - about ourselves and the world around us. As humans, it is arguably within our nature to be greedy and to always want what we can't have. That can be a good thing, a driving force for improvement. But if taken the wrong direction, it can lead us to a never ending road of discontentment.
For me, I don't want to be the person I'm jealous over. I don't want to have a nice body or many friends. I realised I don't need that, because that isn't me. I want to be the best me I can be. I want to appreciate all that I've got because to be honest, I'm pretty damn lucky myself (and I'm sure you are too).
Life is a continuous learning journey and although I write these words I know I will continue to doubt myself, second guess my worth and feel upset from time to time. But that's okay, as long as I keep in my heart that we are all humans and we are all equal. And through it all, I'm just me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
I want to listen to stories. Your story.
I want to learn something from everyone I meet, whether it's good or bad.
I want to learn why they behave the way they do - did they have a bad day? Were they too caught up in the wrong things?
I want to know why they are so bitter about the world.
I want to know what hardships they had to face when they were younger.
I want to know what makes them smile, I want to know what makes them cry.
I want to know why they hate themselves?
I want to hear them talk about something they are passionate about.
I want to hear them talk about something they hate.
Only when I understand can I make the world a better place - for me and the people around me. If we learn the simple concept that everyone has a reason why they act the way they do, we will be able to accept them for who they are and not get mad or upset.
Put yourself in their shoes. Rough childhoods, insecurities, heartbreaks, pride. The list is endless. There are so many layers that contribute to the person we see today. The problem lies deep within oneself. And the only way we can help is by understanding.
It is pointless to get angry, it doesn't solve or change anything. I recently read a quote that said,
I want to learn something from everyone I meet, whether it's good or bad.
I want to learn why they behave the way they do - did they have a bad day? Were they too caught up in the wrong things?
I want to know why they are so bitter about the world.
I want to know what hardships they had to face when they were younger.
I want to know what makes them smile, I want to know what makes them cry.
I want to know why they hate themselves?
I want to hear them talk about something they are passionate about.
I want to hear them talk about something they hate.
Only when I understand can I make the world a better place - for me and the people around me. If we learn the simple concept that everyone has a reason why they act the way they do, we will be able to accept them for who they are and not get mad or upset.
Put yourself in their shoes. Rough childhoods, insecurities, heartbreaks, pride. The list is endless. There are so many layers that contribute to the person we see today. The problem lies deep within oneself. And the only way we can help is by understanding.
It is pointless to get angry, it doesn't solve or change anything. I recently read a quote that said,
"It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them you're hurt."
- Tom Gates
To bring change, you have to be calm. To bring change, you shouldn't let irrationality cause you to do something you cannot Ctrl-Z. To bring change, understand.
Friday, April 22, 2016
We got it all wrong
Hey guys!
It's been a long while since I updated this space. I've been a lot more active on Dayre, where I recently started this mini project called #Today. I use that tag when I learn something new or when I want to share something encouraging. Check out my Dayre at www.dayre.me/9fang6
Anyway, today I want to talk to you guys about something that we got all wrong. We are living in this world, where we aim to be rich, famous and successful. We want to be better than others. We are so consumed by that idea so much so that we forget that the most important thing in life is love.
It is loving the people around you - people you care about and the complete strangers you meet on the bus. It is loving the environment. It is loving what you do. It is loving all things around you.
But instead, we are filled with discontent. We get angry when people don't believe in the same ideologies, we get frustrated when things don't go our way, we get upset with our own appearances. We want to control everything. We want to be superior so that we feel better about ourselves. This superiority complex creates an imbalance that is detrimental to the human race.
I am an agnostic atheist - meaning that I do not believe in a God, but I'm open to religion if it one day touches my heart. But the teachings of Buddhism has always resonated with me. Inner peace, acceptance, kindness, forgiveness and empathy. And I do believe that every religion advocates the same, that's why I respect all religions and their followers. I understand that everyone has different beliefs and I respect that. It does not matter if you're a Muslim, Christian or Jew. If you are nice and kind, I will respect you and I will respect your beliefs. Likewise, regardless of your gender, race, age, sexual orientation, I will give you all the respect you deserve. We just have to understand that although everyone is different, we are all fundementally the same and we should treat everyone with respect. We can all coexist despite all our differences with just a little bit of compassion and understanding.
Everyone has a purpose on this Earth, and we have to accept ourselves and our place. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to be better people, but we shouldn't try to be someone else. In life, things won't go as planned. We are going to lose people we love, there's always going to be someone better, and we are going to face hardships that will make our life seem not worth living. But that's where love comes in. I urge you to look around and if you see that someone needs help, help them. If you see someone needs a shoulder to lean on, be there for them. Be the person you'd need if you were in their position. And that is how take a step towards making the world a better place.
Let me share with you something rather personal. In 2013, I was at the lowest point of my life. I was juggling JC work, intensive dance rehearsals for SYF and crazy filming schedules. I would wake up for school, go for dance practice, then film till 2am. This would go on for months. And obviously, my schoolwork was heavily compromised. I did badly for my mid-year exams. Everything just started going downhill from there, I became depressed and I felt like nothing was going right. I thought no one loved me and I was worthless. I felt like I was always second best at everything. I did everything I could to escape. I snuck out of home, went out at night, drank and partied - whatever it took to make me feel just a little bit of something. I was a void. I was nothing. Around October 2013, I got caught by my parents for sneaking out and I was grounded. I had my laptop and phone taken away for almost a month and I couldn't go out or contact any of my friends. I felt miserable. Miserable wouldn't even cut it. I left JC a week before promos because I just could not handle whatever was on my plate. But something amazing happened. Something within me ticked and I was enlightened. I realised, if I couldn't change the way things were, I should change the way I thought about them. I accepted things that I could not change and worked on the things I could. I started treating the world kinder than it did me, I told myself that only with a positive mindset will I get better. I lived by kindness, compassion and empathy. And trust me on this, optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you. True enough, things did get better.
To this day it still amazes me how it happened, because I still have no clue how I managed to pick myself up from 0 to 100. I guess the many books I read (Tuesdays With Morrie - recommended), the songs I listened to (Continuum by John Mayer), and my lovely counsellor, Monica, helped direct me towards the right path. She helped me realise that my resilience is something I should be proud of - for radiating positivity even in my darkest moments. She did this activity with me on the last day of our sessions and told me to sum up the hopes I had for myself in the future.
I wanted to
And I still hold these very close to my heart. This whole ordeal was the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has shaped the person I am today and taught me so much. I grew from being a person who was always unsatisfied with myself to a person who now understands that being the best self I could be is more than enough. Which is why I always believe that everything happens for a good reason.
And digressing a little, as I type this, I feel loads of guilt. Because I know, I take my family for granted. They are the biggest support team in my life, no matter what mistakes I've done, they've never failed to show me love and hold my hand. I was so desperate to look for approval from all the people that didn't matter. All the people that would leave me at the slightest danger. Through all the chaos of finding myself, I had lost sight of the people who never left my side. Always remember those who love you.
I watched this video quite some time back and I chanced upon it today again. I love the message Kalina is trying to bring across. I myself am super bad with small talk. I always feel super awkward and uncomfortable because I fear silence and so I'm always scrambling for stuff to say. She proposes that instead of the superficial "the weather sucks" conversations, we should ask deeper questions and learn more about people and their stories. I love this project.
I want to change the world. If I were ever to have a little bit of fame, I promise I will help this world. Just as people like Michael Jackson and Audrey Hepburn did. They had a vision and they spread ideas. I won't be able to reach their level of influence, but anyhow, I want to share love with as many people as I can. Influence, however big or small is important in shaping the world. Our time on this Earth is merely a few decades long. I don't want to be remembered as an actress or whatever. I want my messages to resonate years after I'm gone. And that's what I am going to do. I will continue in the media industry (which thankfully happens to be something I'm passionate about), not for the money or fame. I will use this opportunity to reach out to others, hear their stories and change lives. If I can have a positive impact on every person I meet then I think that's very well enough.
So I urge all of you to live passionately, love deeply and give endlessly.
It's been a long while since I updated this space. I've been a lot more active on Dayre, where I recently started this mini project called #Today. I use that tag when I learn something new or when I want to share something encouraging. Check out my Dayre at www.dayre.me/9fang6
Anyway, today I want to talk to you guys about something that we got all wrong. We are living in this world, where we aim to be rich, famous and successful. We want to be better than others. We are so consumed by that idea so much so that we forget that the most important thing in life is love.
It is loving the people around you - people you care about and the complete strangers you meet on the bus. It is loving the environment. It is loving what you do. It is loving all things around you.
But instead, we are filled with discontent. We get angry when people don't believe in the same ideologies, we get frustrated when things don't go our way, we get upset with our own appearances. We want to control everything. We want to be superior so that we feel better about ourselves. This superiority complex creates an imbalance that is detrimental to the human race.
I am an agnostic atheist - meaning that I do not believe in a God, but I'm open to religion if it one day touches my heart. But the teachings of Buddhism has always resonated with me. Inner peace, acceptance, kindness, forgiveness and empathy. And I do believe that every religion advocates the same, that's why I respect all religions and their followers. I understand that everyone has different beliefs and I respect that. It does not matter if you're a Muslim, Christian or Jew. If you are nice and kind, I will respect you and I will respect your beliefs. Likewise, regardless of your gender, race, age, sexual orientation, I will give you all the respect you deserve. We just have to understand that although everyone is different, we are all fundementally the same and we should treat everyone with respect. We can all coexist despite all our differences with just a little bit of compassion and understanding.
Everyone has a purpose on this Earth, and we have to accept ourselves and our place. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive to be better people, but we shouldn't try to be someone else. In life, things won't go as planned. We are going to lose people we love, there's always going to be someone better, and we are going to face hardships that will make our life seem not worth living. But that's where love comes in. I urge you to look around and if you see that someone needs help, help them. If you see someone needs a shoulder to lean on, be there for them. Be the person you'd need if you were in their position. And that is how take a step towards making the world a better place.
Let me share with you something rather personal. In 2013, I was at the lowest point of my life. I was juggling JC work, intensive dance rehearsals for SYF and crazy filming schedules. I would wake up for school, go for dance practice, then film till 2am. This would go on for months. And obviously, my schoolwork was heavily compromised. I did badly for my mid-year exams. Everything just started going downhill from there, I became depressed and I felt like nothing was going right. I thought no one loved me and I was worthless. I felt like I was always second best at everything. I did everything I could to escape. I snuck out of home, went out at night, drank and partied - whatever it took to make me feel just a little bit of something. I was a void. I was nothing. Around October 2013, I got caught by my parents for sneaking out and I was grounded. I had my laptop and phone taken away for almost a month and I couldn't go out or contact any of my friends. I felt miserable. Miserable wouldn't even cut it. I left JC a week before promos because I just could not handle whatever was on my plate. But something amazing happened. Something within me ticked and I was enlightened. I realised, if I couldn't change the way things were, I should change the way I thought about them. I accepted things that I could not change and worked on the things I could. I started treating the world kinder than it did me, I told myself that only with a positive mindset will I get better. I lived by kindness, compassion and empathy. And trust me on this, optimism is a happiness magnet. If you stay positive, good things and good people will be drawn to you. True enough, things did get better.
To this day it still amazes me how it happened, because I still have no clue how I managed to pick myself up from 0 to 100. I guess the many books I read (Tuesdays With Morrie - recommended), the songs I listened to (Continuum by John Mayer), and my lovely counsellor, Monica, helped direct me towards the right path. She helped me realise that my resilience is something I should be proud of - for radiating positivity even in my darkest moments. She did this activity with me on the last day of our sessions and told me to sum up the hopes I had for myself in the future.
I wanted to
- Be at one with the universe
- Be at peace with myself and everything around me
- Strive to be a better person
- Gain wisdom and a mature understanding of life
- Help others
- Always be kind
- Experience positive mood states
- Be loyal to my friends and family
- Connect with nature
- Be appreciative of everything
- Enjoy music, art and drama
- Be physically fit
"…we always have a choice. We can become bitter or we can choose to become bigger and better people. When we learn to recognize that every experience can bring a blessing of some kind, our upset is softened."
- John Marks Templeton (Wisdom From World Religions: Pathways Toward Heaven On Earth)
- John Marks Templeton (Wisdom From World Religions: Pathways Toward Heaven On Earth)
I watched this video quite some time back and I chanced upon it today again. I love the message Kalina is trying to bring across. I myself am super bad with small talk. I always feel super awkward and uncomfortable because I fear silence and so I'm always scrambling for stuff to say. She proposes that instead of the superficial "the weather sucks" conversations, we should ask deeper questions and learn more about people and their stories. I love this project.
I want to change the world. If I were ever to have a little bit of fame, I promise I will help this world. Just as people like Michael Jackson and Audrey Hepburn did. They had a vision and they spread ideas. I won't be able to reach their level of influence, but anyhow, I want to share love with as many people as I can. Influence, however big or small is important in shaping the world. Our time on this Earth is merely a few decades long. I don't want to be remembered as an actress or whatever. I want my messages to resonate years after I'm gone. And that's what I am going to do. I will continue in the media industry (which thankfully happens to be something I'm passionate about), not for the money or fame. I will use this opportunity to reach out to others, hear their stories and change lives. If I can have a positive impact on every person I meet then I think that's very well enough.
So I urge all of you to live passionately, love deeply and give endlessly.
"When you begin to look for reasons to believe that every experience is a blessing, you will start to find those reasons."
- Janet Bray Attwood and Chris Attwood (The Passion Test)
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